Chapter 63, Leah

Leah the house mother, was in her early fifties but looked like late sixties. She was tall skinny and very disagreeable. Sometimes I wondered how her husband, who was very calm and friendly, dealt with her. Every morning, just before 6:00 we would hear the radio on the PA system playing the same music just before the morning program was about to start. In time I began to hate that music for waking me up in the middle of some delightful dreams, like about me and Matilda making out. Right after the noisy music Leah would come in our room and call loudly; “good morning!” Seeing that we didn’t get up, she would try a little louder. When we still didn’t budge, she would pull our blankets and yell “GOOD MORNING!” Sometimes we wouldn’t move even after that. After all, we were talking late at night, the six of us, and we really didn’t feel like getting up so early. Leah would then go out and grab a bucket full of water and pour it on us.

We had to do something about it.

“But what?” Hezi Akerman the singer asked.

“Maybe we should sleep under the beds” Mark from Morocco suggested.

“She would still yell and scream at us” Avraham the tall boy answered with a shrug.

“I know,” said Naphtali the son of the cook, “we should put a trap for her. You know like on top of the door, with water.”

“Now you’re talking!” Nasty Shimon said clapping his hands together.

 The next morning, we left the door opened a smidge in and placed a bucket full of water on top of it leaning on the wall. When Leah would walk in, she will push the door and the bucket would pour on her. We couldn’t sleep all night, we were all excited and anxious to see her get wet. I didn’t even go to the bathroom, I held it till morning. I didn’t want to spoil the set up. It was just right, and we weren’t sure we would set it up that way again. 

“Good morning” we heard Leah yelling as she Kicked the door in. “What the hell is that?” she yelled even louder as the bucket fell to the floor, missing her all together. “Are you trying to kill me? Anyway, it has been done before, that is why I always kick the door when I see it slightly open. Better luck next time. Now get the hell up and clean up your pig stie.” She didn’t let us off easy that day. She flipped our beds three times to show us how we should have set it right and she poured three buckets of water on the floor to make sure we washed the floor her way. Naphtali suffered the most. Nasty Shimon was abusing him verbally and physically.

“You and your nerdy ideas” he said while slapping Naphtali on his head. “Now we have to pay for your stupidity, I swear I’ll make you pay for it,” slapping him one more time, “you’ll never come up with another idea again.”

Our room was on the second floor and there was a long balcony that connected between all the other rooms. There was a railing that prevented people from falling over. The balcony was opened, protected by a metal railing. The water we used to wash the floors had to be pushed down over the edge of the balcony. I was holding the rubber mop and pushing the water slowly over the edge when I saw Leah coming out of the girls’ room downstairs and walking outside the hallway. I couldn’t be happier at that moment. I backed up, angled the mop just right and when she walked under our door, I just pushed the mop strong enough to shove a good amount of dirty water right on Leah’s head. Of course, I backed up into the room holding my hand on my mouth, trying not to laugh. I was dying to look out to see her, but I knew that she would punish me. So, I had to stay and listen to her yelling and cussing. Only after she had walked toward her home to change, did I peek to see her all wet and dirty.

When she returned, we were all on our way to class and she couldn’t tell who got her wet. I kept quiet and didn’t tell anyone, although I think that Hezi the singer saw me do it, but he too, didn’t tell anyone.

“What are we going to do next?” asked Shimon the brut, the next evening. “Naphtali, you are the one with all the ideas why don’t you come up with something new? We have to do something about her.”

“How about we all sleep naked?” asked tall Avraham. “You know, she’s an old lady and she would die just seeing us like that, and if she sees my big…”

“Oh, shut up!” interrupted Nasty Shimon, “if I have to hear about Avraham’s big dick anymore.” Shimon lost the bet to Avraham the last week. They were arguing about who’s sexual organ was bigger. Now Shimon couldn’t bear the defeat.

It was agreed, we all slept naked and that time we really slept. We were all tired from the night before and we didn’t even stay up to talk late.

I was woken up by a sharp laugh. I didn’t even hear the nasty music that’s been playing every morning. Not even the “Good Morning” yell from Leah.

“What do you think I am?” She was laughing.” Did you think I never saw a naked boy in my life? I have three boys older than you and I had to wash them all. Not bad Avraham, but I’ve seen bigger…”

We just could not believe our ears. That old dame didn’t even care that we were naked. She pulled the blanket out of each of us and walked out yelling. “Better clean your room before I come back.” This time I was waiting for her and I collected all the dirty water I could muster. Again, just as she was walking under my room, I gave a strong shove and got her all wet.

“You idiots!” Would you look before you push the water? Look at me, I’m all dirty and wet. Now, from all the rooms next to me I saw kids looking and giggling. But again, I kept quiet and didn’t tell anybody. That night we were all talking about the wet Leah and we were laughing aloud. “Now if we could just get her to stop being so nasty in the morning” said Mark from Morocco. “I think I have an idea” I said quietly. I didn’t want to get Nasty Shimon too excited. He could get on my case just as he did to Naphtali.

It took some doing, but two days later I managed to get the supply I needed. I had to go to the barn where they keep the cows and get a long rope. I went to the infirmary and asked for some baby powder, and from the supply room where Leah’s husband worked, I got some white sheets. Our room had a tall ceiling with beams stretched across. I had to climb on top of our closets, jump to one of the beams and while hanging on it, I tied the rope and jumped down. The next morning, I was woken up by my friend David Twito who milked the cows very early in the morning. I pulled on the rope to make sure it was still tight, wrapped it around my neck, dropped the remainder through the pajamas and stepped on the end. I rubbed some baby powder on my face to look pale. All I had left was to wrap myself with a sheet and waited. 

When I heard Leah coming closer to our room, I leaned a little to the side to give the illusion that I was hanging from the ceiling and waited for her to come in.

“GOOD MOR…” She didn’t finish her sentence. Leah saw me and fainted. She fell to the ground in a big crash. It took a bucket of water to wake her up, but by that time I pulled the rope down and hid it away like nothing happened. When she opened her eyes, she saw me again but this time I was dressed in my pajamas and looked at her so innocently that she almost fainted again, but Mark helped her up. She was not sure if what she saw was real or a figment of her imagination.

“What happened?” I asked, “you walked in and dropped to the floor. We thought you had a heart…”

“You were….” Leah started to say.

“Were what?” I asked as she was pointing to the ceiling beams.

“I thought you were dead. I’m sure I saw you there hanging.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m all wet, I better go change” she said quietly and struggled to get up.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” I asked quietly and helped her up.

“Yes, I’m sure” she said walking out all humiliated and upset.

 

***

 

Kosher Greek Salad

 

 

  Once again, I am faced with the Kosher rules. How can I make a dish that is originally dairy? How can I replace Feta Cheese without sacrificing the flavor? When serving a meat dinner and a Greek salad I must replace the cheese with something else. Lucky for us, we have Tofu. 

 

Ingredients:

½ lb. Hard Tofu

½ Cup Calamata Olives with the Juice

½ Head Lettuce

1 Green Pepper

½ Red Onion 

1 Cucumber

2 Tomatoes

2 TBSP Olive Oil

¼ Cup Lemon

1 tsp Salt

½ Cup Vinegar

½ tsp Black Pepper

¼ tsp Garlic Powder

 

Preparation:

  Cut the tofu to strips, Press the tofu in a bowl by placing a plate with something heavy on top and pour out the water. While keeping the plate on top, pour in vinegar, salt, black pepper, garlic powder, and the juice of the calamata olives and take the heavy plate off. The tofu will soak the liquid and flavors. Leave in the fridge overnight. Cut up the vegetables large size. Lay tofu on top.

Serve with salt, lemon juice, and olive oil. 

 

-----